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Jan. 20th, 2020

My writing is public and then I lock it up "friends-only."
Get it? get an lj-name and friend me.
You can! love, me


Jul. 13th, 2015

I felt the tears fall down my cheeks.
I acknowledged the hurt.
While ignoring it.
I'm too embarrassed
To tell anyone
about the thing
that keeps happening
over and over again.
I recognize I am alone.
I'm ok with it.
I feel the tear as it slides down my face.
I am moving on.

I Am Mantra

I am the Soul.
I am the Light Divine.
I am Love.
I am Will.
I am Fixed Design.


The TV says all I need is family. (Albeit a sappy, hypnotic version.) What lie are they trying to implant? A Libertarian pipe-dream where humans are equipped to help one another? TV and movies celebrate "family" as if the word were the meaning of life. Meanwhile, mesmerized by the boob tube, humans are allowing community to crumble.

Too Much Pavement

Honestly. WTF is wrong with the "educated classes"? You have half-educations and it's pathetic. My uneducated bf in Jamaica is much easier to deal with than most so-called educated first-worlders. You read a little bit and then, TADA! You feel compelled to display your new-found "knowledge" LOL by abusing me.

People tell me that I shouldn't use the word, abuse. That it's too strong a word, like rape and assault. I was raped twice last year. Who knew that my condition would make me a target? I'm ok. I fooled both the idiots.

I think maybe I should move to California but the level of stupidity there is worse than NYC. I suppose I could move to Berkley... And what? My peers will miraculously appear? I will still be in a wheelchair. No matter where I go in the USA, there is too much pavement.

Why is it everyone on tv walks so well? No one uses a cane except for Dr. House!

!! /mo

What have I got to lose. I can sublet untiI I can't take it anymore or take back my home if the rentals cause meltdown... ...do some gigs. get to drive a vehicle. ...and and keep an eye on my loot; pay off bro's debt and we're golden. i go to the parks by myself. I have can be appalled by that guy and his rebuke rebuke myself for jealousy anywhere. anywhere. it makes no matter. my future has changed.

---- I have no idea when I wrote that. I lost my mind on St. Patrick's Day.

----I am going to Jamaica to figure out what I want to do next.

I might be back.



who is this. probably irish and irish language above, as was at the parade.


Feb. 4th, 2011

works for me.
but I can't NOT think about it.
try a little harder.
that's the answer, just pretend it never happened.
could do.
seems to me that YOU are hiding something.
i'm tired is all.
i thought that unexamined life was not worth living.
the over examined life can give you a terrible headache.
I should not say things like that.
no. I did. but you did. Now you did.
slow down. Whoa. i forgot what we were talking about.
highest ideal.
I can only forgive so far. I was telling you that find t hard to forget and truly let forgiveness live within me.
and i told you to let forgiveness be as thorough as possible. Forgive AND forget.
you are hiding a great wrong. I see that.
you see nothing.
i don't read your mind. i see you mood. your deception. the truth is being hiding. what are you hiding, Father?

Jan. 20th, 2011

SO hadda upload it so I could use it. It a great foto. Kudos 2 Stas for not making me look fat.

I dunno if I wanna go to the opening or to vivianas or both tomorrow but i don't have to decide right now. i can relazz and remember that I have a mission in this world and I don't know if it's to make doughnuts. it may be insignificant to creation of order but I also realized that nothing can manifest order and that it is all a dream and.
I'm no longer naive. I have come to understand the veracity of true goodness in a very relative few. the veil has been put gently back on.

whoa. and to think: i was down loaded all this information completely sober. eating chinese food.

crazy thing, for the first time four years or so (maybe year one, whatevs), I said. earlier this night in my BFF's office, "I want to get drunk." She laughed and handed me a seltzer. The sauna helped.


Jan. 1st, 2011

calorie restriction

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